Greedy Lovers' Gamble

We ate greedily
from each others plates
until our stomachs bulged on the gluttony of fantasy
buckets of bones, what ifs and regrets
a salty compost to soak our wounds
and drown our willfully manufactured sorrows in. 

Reaching for the menu with sticky hands
knowing it's poison
we consumed it anyway
for while we were taught all sinners 

deserve to die, 

experience proves

neither sinners nor saints can experience heaven

without sacrifice or pain.  

Love Isn't Lost - It's Re-Written

Love isn't lost

it's rewritten

beaten into submission

by deceit, broken promises and disappointment

by disrespect and neglect.

It festers and turns on itself

alchemy at its finest

brewing until it thickens into unbridled resentment

as wounded egos seek absolution in retorts never given

self preservation drives the mind to assign blame

while praying it was all just a nightmare.

Rock, Paper, Reality

She was never his.
He was never hers

The words
scripts said on a stage of their choosing
an attempt
to experience what t hey most desired
surrender to raw vulnerability, need, and 
the award for wholeness, fulfillment, solid ground
with someone they trusted
albeit transiently.

In the moment they lived an loved
gave and accepted
and it was Brilliant. 

Until the lives they'd previously sought and nurtured
honor required response
the aether burst
the script forgotten
the dreams forsaken. 

Lover's Cosplay

They dined on someone else's plate
against credit built on selfish faith
a karmic dime whose debt would inevitably be paid - painfully

Currency splayed upon the alter of 
denial, weightless wishes, and a 
cowards' prayer for alternate dimensions. 

They said the words giddy at the cosplay
buttresses believed inherently vital
and necessary
until deemed decorative, accessory, unsubstantial and irrelevant.

From one vantage point
one moved inextricably forward
presumably learning, growing, evolving

From another, stagnant, immobile, unchanging save for the burden of disappointment. 
and to another still, either are better, their hell is worse
an a few others have legitimate cause for complaint

On whose side is the grass greener?
The gambler, the fool, the pragmatist or the oblivious? 

The Reluctant Muse

How many people does she need
to teach how to love
to show them what love is
how to give and receive and be supported..
before someone is inspired
to be that for her? 
Asking for a friend... 

It's all a Scam

How can we self actualize 
while trying to exist with a set of rules 
we had no part in setting - 
Shackled by the constraints of acceptable norms 
essential to ensuring a muted, 
nullified and neutered work force, 
dedicated to someone else's enrichment?

Thoughts and Chairs

Optimism has become a sticky substance I choke on

I wake up sound of mind
have a job
insurance, for what it's worth
and a roof over my head. 

Women and children are being kidnapped
Racists are running ramped
Incels are in legislature
Women have become cattle

Children's lives are the cost we pay for the right to bare arms
Segregation is legal again, and

Empathy is a sin

but yeah
I'm ok
for now. 

Thoughts and Chairs. 

A Sub's Revolt

Living in a catatonic state of scripted animation
I memorized the lines of your face
and lost my sense of self. 

I don't know who you think you love
but it isn't me.

Who I am in your mind and heart, doesn't exist. 
You don't see me
You don't hear me
You don't desire me
You don't know me

Who you love is a figment of your lazy ego's interpretation of me. 
An imagined wind up doll
who annoys the shit out of you when it "goes off script".
An entity you tolerate as long as it bends to your stage directions. 

If you can't love me, what's the point?
I'm tired of the shared delusions. 

Yeah, the real me gets tired
The real me has a voice
And she says
Love me or let me go.

Juicy

Some nights you'd come home

smelling juicy

like either you had'a piece

or a piece had you. 

Hurt Me Again Sam

Why does your heart still look to justify...

still look for ways to make them out to be the hero

knowing they are the villain -

Desperately looking for grains of grace

to bestow upon someone who broke you?

 

Leave a Message at the Sound of the "Fuck You"

I am not present today
Please place all suggestions, requests, demands and complaints in the inbox.
My body is set to NPC mode
going thru the requisite daily motions and tasks,
as my Mind,
buried in a muck of mental chaos,
seeks to compartmentalize, prioritize, and understand
the metric ton of psychic bullshit
recently served on a plate of denial and resentments
I neither ordered nor deserved. 

Was Naught But Sticky Infatuation

What did or didn't they do?

What did or didn't they say
or how was it said?

What insurmountable habit, belief or betrayal
inspired such complete annihilation of imagined futures shared? 

Funny how some of the most passionate
declarations of love
fade
in the presence of the first slightest 
annoyance

How fickle, how false
how shallow the pool 
that first pebble breaks.